So in the next 3-4 weeks I finish Art college and I'm terrified. I've applied for a Fashion course after summer and I've got a place if I pass my English. I know I'm only 17 but I'm 18 in a few months, a lot of people my age know what they want to do, to be. They're going to uni after summer, not their third year at college. Third college course.
I don't know what I want to be, a lot of people my age and older don't but really, they don't matter. That's there life. I can't help them, they can't help me. There's so many things I want to learn but really I have one more year of free education. That is not long enough but I can't change that. I want my name out there.. I want to be someone important. Someone people look up to, I want to inspire people. I don't want to work in shops, bars till I'm unable to work.
I'm currently studying Art L2, I guess I'm doing okay, I'm not the strongest drawer. I don't have a lot of crazy ideas like my art teacher says I need. The next few weeks I'll be putting up my last exhibition considering I'm not doing art next year. Mainly because of the teachers, I know you don't get on with people throught life and you have to deal with it and get on. It's not that simple when you basically get walked all over. I thought art teachers were nice, inspiring. I cannot wait to get away from them, yes they've helped me learn but they've been horrible about it. I'm a slow learner, it takes a few times for it to sink in. I struggle talking, spelling and they got frustrated with me. They didn't have time for me, I didn't/don't need 'special help' just time and patience. They don't give that me. If Im struggling they'll turn there backs, try and avoid me cause they get frustrated. And they're always right.
The past two years studying Art has been hard but I've also enjoyed it. I like making things. It doesn't have to look a certain way, its your choice. You're the artist. It's crazy that I'm consiered an artist when I feel like my work is weak, when others wouldn't. The next few weeks are going to be so stressful.
I've kind of rambled completely but oh well. I love blogging, fashion, hair whatever. I feel like I'm slowly making a name for myself. (Also there will be more fashion blogs soon. It's difficult taking full length photos when you're taller than your tripod so I need my boyfriend to take them)
The pressure to be someone is hard. But I guess once you're there it's worth it because you experience it all the way through. It's hard having anxiety and trying to get out there. I get nervous being in town alone because I feel like people are just staring at me, not because they may like what I'm wearing or they like my hair. I assume they just don't like me, I also have quite a moody face so that could be the problem.
I used to want to model, but I've always struggled with my weight, I consider myself big because I'm curvy. I know I'm nowhere near big but I guess it's all in my head. I've rejected chances to model (runway) for my friends art piece because I was too nervous to walk down and all eyes on me. I don't know, I guess you progress as you grow hey?
This was probably the most boring, pointless post but its always good to get everything off your chest
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